August 4, 2019

On the last day…

By In LifeBalance

Who could I become…

What if today was your last day? What if you woke this morning and knew your life would end at midnight? What regrets would you have? What would you wish you had done? Who would you have wanted to become?

If you looked at your life, right now, knowing what you now know, would you change anything? Would you change your career? Would you be in that relationship? Would you have made different choices? Would you get to that last day and think, I should have done more… or less… ?? 

I spent a lot of the last few years undoing who I had become. I didn’t like her. She wasn’t me. I can’t say I had enough foresight to think about my last day and the disappointment I would have never living life fully as ME. But I did think about the discomfort I was causing myself and everyone around me because I was not being true. Not that I set out to lie, but I lied to myself over and over about who I was and what I wanted, which carried over to every other aspect of my life. 

It’s not easy to detach from a self it took years to mold. I had perfected fake it til you make it. It didn’t feel at all natural to unfake it. And I really had no clue who I was. I agonized a lot because the things I knew for sure about myself compiled an embarrassingly small list. I barely had hobbies or desires of my own. I couldn’t have told you what I wished to do or become because I never even asked myself. 

Until I did. What do I love? What are my favorite things? Who do I want to spend time with? Who do I want to inspire? How? Once I started asking the questions, I couldn’t stop. It was like I met this really cool new friend and I couldn’t get over how much we had in common! She was witty and passionate and had ideas, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could! 

Do you want to spend time with you? Are you in love with who you have become and are becoming? Because if you can’t answer that with a wholehearted YES, we need to talk. I know that loneliness. But I also know how to ask the right questions now. Who do you love? What would you change knowing what you now know? Who could you become if you let yourself?

You must live now. On your terms. Forget about someday. You are guaranteed that one day you will wake up and it will be the very last day. Is that today? Tomorrow? A decade from now? Whenever that last day is for you, for me, I hope those last moments are filled with love, with gratitude for a life well spent, and with pride that you became everything you knew you could be. 

Leave a Comment