Prove yourself to yourself.
Guys. Two months ago, I started a workout program that is KICKING MY ASS. My goals were to lose a little weight and tone up the fluff. And you know, get healthy and stuff. I’ve always been active, off and on, and I knew it was time for a bigger commitment to myself. So, I hesitantly started phase one of a three-phase program.
This week, I will finish the last week of phase 2. All I could think about today as I wanted to stay lying on the floor to suck more air was, HOLY SHIT I’m doing this. My body has hurt more days this month than not, I’ve moved an entire household and unpacked it all in 4 days, I got some Mexican stomach flu for EIGHT DAYS (Yes eight, and yes it was all the things you are thinking it was), and I wanted to quit a hundred times. But I have kept pushing. Even though no one is watching. Even though I’m only doing this to prove to myself that I can.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
- I AM consistent. I like to tell myself this little bullshit story about how I’m not consistent. With my diet, with exercising, with a routine, with commitments I make to myself … that is total garbage. I say this when I am not perfect, when I eat all the things over the weekend or get in a slump working out for two weeks. I say this to excuse the fact that I am imperfect and fall out of routine or put things off for another day. (All the while telling my kids and everyone else that they should embrace their imperfections. I’m so good at giving advice, but take my own? Pah!). But guess what? I may fall off the wagon, but I always get back on. When I got sick this month, I could barely eat and was so dehydrated that sweating would’ve landed me in a hospital bed hooked up to saline. I took a week off and then woke up on a Monday and did a workout. Was it perfect? Hell no, it was ugly, I couldn’t lift as much as I had been, and I had to pause the workout a couple of times to catch my breath. But I pushed. And did it. I AM CONSISTENT.
- It’s up to ME. No one is going to come to my house every day to say, “get your sports bra on, we have work to do!” I am surrounded by people who love me the way I am. (Yes! I’m lucky AND I’ve chosen these people on purpose). You know what that means? No one is going to make me do anything I don’t want to do. Unless I hire a personal trainer or live-in life coach, pushing outside of my comfort zone or to the next level is on me and only me. I have walked my sore buns up or down the stairs for every workout and I’ve been the one to push play every time. I am the one who is doing every rep, even when it burns or feels like I can’t physically do it. My goals, my dreams, my failures, they are all on me.
- Pushing limits breeds confidence. If you do something you didn’t think you could do once, just one time, do you know what happens the next time you’re not sure of yourself? You do the thing. And then you do more things. And then your fears look smaller and your goals more reachable. If you are afraid, all the more reason to push and gain an ounce of confidence to bring with you the next time you are afraid. Every time I prove to myself I can do something, my confidence soars, and not just in that thing but in all things. Because I realize I am capable. I am stronger than I thought. I am proud.
I am pushing myself for myself.